Well... today is the day.

Our nail trim appointments have been made with the vet. Afterward comes the horror that is grooming.

I will be shampooed and doused with warm water. I will be brushed. My ears and teeth will be cleaned. All of this wretched attention will get rid of my beautiful dog scent. I'll smell as fresh as newly cut grass.

I will tolerate this tortuous treatment for one reason and one reason only. The reward. The infamous, delicious hot dog. 

These things are undoubtedly why humans even exist. I mean, if humans were built for a purpose it is and was to invent, make and dispense hot dogs. I don't care what brand; I don't care if they are beef, or turkey, or pork or even any combination of those things. I freaking love hotdogs.

So I will endure the indignity, the disgrace and the new smell simply for the joy of a singe hotdog.

Let me preface this by saying one thing... No, make that two. Let me preface this by saying two things.

First, this going to be very TMI for some people.
Second, it isn't Eva's fault, it is Mom's.

Tuesday, Eva was laying on the couch and complaining that her tummy hurt. Suddenly, her eyes opened really wide and she said, "I have to GO!"

But there was no where to go except the living room floor... so she did.

When Mom go home she walked in the door and said, "I smell dog poop." She cleaned it up and she wasn't angry at Eva but she was a little concerned. 

Then it happened again on Wednesday. "I gotta GO!!!!" Eva howled. She managed to squirm through the cat door on the gate between the kitchen and living room. At least Mom only had to clean the linoleum that time!

Mom was concerned but then she figured out why Eva is having troubles. Mom switched our food. She knows that a fast switch can cause tummy troubles but she didn't think about it when she went to buy our kibble last time. The best food, Back to Basics, is quite a bit more expensive than the other two grain-free kibbles that Mom will also buy for us. Mom used up all the coupons that her friend Michelle sent her (Michelle is awesome, she runs Take Paws rescue) and so Mom decided to save $20 by purchasing the less expensive stuff. 

Well, that was a mistake!

So Mom promised Eva never to switch our food that fast again. And she's going to buy the Back to Basics kibble to mix in with the other stuff until it is gone. Eva's tummy should be back to normal in no time!

There is a company called 1-800-PetMeds that does something my mom thinks is really cool. They send gift boxes full of pet care supplies to rescue organizations!  Mom says that these supplies are worth a lot of money and that other pet supply companies don't seem to have such nice programs. 

So our box of supplies arrived today and Mom was so excited. "Look at this!" she'd shout, pulling a bottle out of the package. Then, "Oh my goodness!" she would exclaim, showing Eva and a some potion or concoction. 

Here's the thing... 1-800-PetMeds sent a whole bunch of wellness and cleanliness stuff! So the foster kitten is going to be stuffed full of vitamins and everyone is going to get washed, up to and including having their teeth cleaned and their ears scrubbed. I showed my teeth to Mom to say, "Listen, lady, if you go anywhere near my anal glands with your cleanliness compulsion, you are in big trouble." 

Of course, Mom laughed at me and rubbed my ears. "In a world of profit above valor," she said, "1-800-PetMeds has decided to prove that altruism can be an effective business practice. I respect them for it."

I guess I respect them for it, too. But I am still a little angry about my impending "spa day."

Recently there has been a lot of stuff on TV and in the news articles that mom leaves open on the computer about chicken. Let me tell you, I love chicken. I'd eat it every meal if mom let me. I like it broiled, baked, fried, grilled, in soup and sauteed in butter served over noodles. Seriously; chicken is the bomb!

So I find what is happening a little confusing. Someone said something that caused some people to want to eat more chicken and other people want to eat less chicken. What gives, right? If you like it, eat it! If you don't like it then give me yours!

Of course, I asked mom to explain.
Me: "Mom, what gives with the chicken?"

Mom: "Some people are mad and some people are happy about what a guy said so they are either supporting his business or not to show how they feel."

Me: "That's stupid. I don't care what you say as long as you're giving me chicken."

Mom: "What if I gave Gabriel chicken because he is a cat but I told you that you can never have chicken because you are a dog."

Me: "That is even more stupid. But Gabriel would share with me."

Mom: "What if I tried to pass a law that let Gabriel and all cats eat all the chicken that they wanted but it was illegal for dogs to have the same thing?"

Me: "OMG, you wouldn't do that, would you???"

Mom: "No."

Me: "Good, because that's just wrong! Why would you even say such a thing??? Or even think it??? Wow... I mean, just wow."

Mom: "So the chicken guy is kind of doing the same thing."

Me: "Wow."

Mom: "And I've been looking at the articles because I find the public reaction interesting. It seems so similar to the reactions during the desegregation era."

Me: "De whatsit now?"

Mom: "Desegregation. Segregation is like if I didn't let you and Gabriel play together because he is black and you are white."

Me: "WHAT?!?!?! That's so dumb!!! That's as dumb as the chicken thing! You humans make weird rules. Maybe humans are dumb."

Mom: "I agree. Now, shall I make you some chicken? You and Gabriel can share it before your nap."

Me: "Okay, I take it back. Not all humans are dumb. Can the chicken have butter?"

I learned something from that conversation and I sure am glad that I live in a world where me, Gabriel and even Bowser the hedgehog can enjoy the same meal together without anyone denying us the right!